You are Sisyphus, condemned by the gods to push a boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down so you can push it up again in an endless cycle of pointless struggle. You are constantly oscillating between tension and release; tension the uphill side, release the downhill side. You might consider the highpoints rightness, but they’re really just a brief respite from not-rightness (as any housewife can tell you, a job well done need always be done again, usually tomorrow). This pulsing tide of tension and release provides the dramatic impetus that keeps you paddling in a random direction at an arbitrary speed on the shoreless sea of nothing forever. In other words, this pattern is the heartbeat of your life.