You begin your journey by rejecting the old-time religion of your parents because they’re dumb and you’re smart and they don’t really care about spirituality and you really do because it’s really important and you’re a really serious person. What you decide you want, after a multi-hour internet search, is for your kundalini energy to gush up like a golden geyser so your amplified aura becomes a beacon to receive energy/wisdom/heart transmissions from trans-physical entities who can guide you into a state of transpersonal bliss that will earn your parent’s respect and make you the envy of all your facebook friends. 

When that doesn’t work quite as promised, (How can someone have wisdom if they don’t even have a body?), you are relieved to find out that what you really want is to spend hundreds of hours bathing in purple water in order to bring your energetic circuits into a finely-tuned state of harmonic resonance because that’s the thing-of-the-day and it sounds pretty easy and even some b-list celebs are doing it and unlike the last twenty-seven things, this is so crazy it just might work. 

It doesn’t. You should have held out for the a-listers.